Are you only considering those two guns?
You / she should look at a S&W M&P 9c (compact) - very low recoil & 12+1 capacityNot necessarily, but I love my xdm and it's is a reliable gun. And she likes the looks of it and had mentioned wanting one, "just smaller" so that's kinda why I was thinking about them. I just haven't shot an xds. And while I know I could handle it, I'm not sure if she could because she shot the lcp twice and won't even pick it up now. I know she'd be ok with an xdm .9mm though.