I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and I think I've got it figgered. Invite him over to your house to "bury the hatchet". Make sure he has a better time than he's ever had in his entire life. Hire a hooker to pose as your wife and to give him a good time while you wash the dishes. Pretend to like Billy Ray Cyrus... Anything you have to do to make him think you two were born to be buddies. Dig a big hole in your backyard. That spot right behind the garage where your neighbors can't see. Wait three weeks so he has plenty of time to tell everyone that the two of you must have been born twins and how hot your wife is. Meet him "accidentally", and invite him over again right then. Tell him you need his opinion about this hole you're digging. Drive his car to the baddest part of town. Leave the keys in the ignition. Change clothes a few blocks away, and go home. Pile firewood behind the garage. Did I forget anything? Got any better ideas? Have I unwittingly taken the whole scenario from a movie that you recall but I don't? Enough procrastinating. Where's that shovel got to?